What Is A Dad
As a dad, I . . .
- was determined to bond early, believing it would call me back when I inevitably strayed,
- was intent on meeting and joining her with curiosity and without judgment in her experience of the world, and to learn from her,
- chose to take time to make more or less daily, close, extended contact (“quality time”), and in particular, to have fun together,
- respected her choices, made sure she recognized them, and helped her to learn from them,
- did my best not to make a choice for her that she could make for herself,
- consistently invited her to notice when she was proud of herself, and then to celebrate with her,
- used words and touch every day to tell her that I loved her, no matter how she was feeling,
- was dependably interested in understanding her feelings and her inner world, while also respecting her need for privacy,
- shared with her the things in life that I enjoyed, for example, music, sports, and movies,
- allowed her to be different from me, to not like what I like, and to like what I don’t,
- let her see what I valued by how I chose to live, rather than telling her how she should live,
- worked diligently and deeply for many years to heal my inner wounds so as to pass on as little unresolved fear and pain as possible,
- explored with her the ‘experience-of-fear-while-being-safe’, to help her learn not to be afraid of fear,
- let her be close to and struggle with her mother, without imposing my needs or presuming to fix, and, tended my relationship with my wife without involving her,
- told her the truth about my vulnerabilities, letting her set the limit on how much she wanted to know.
June 2013
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